i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
