I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
