Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
