Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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