the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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