How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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