that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
