I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am one with the molecules
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
