i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
