I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
