It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
