My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
