FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
