I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
