I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
