I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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