Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
