i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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