I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
