I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
