the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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