Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
