I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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