my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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