we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
