Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize