that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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