How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
