my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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