I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
