She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
