I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
