i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
