so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Randomize
