He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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