Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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