that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
