I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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