put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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