remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
