No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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