Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
