Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sobbing to NWA
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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