There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize