Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
