She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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