its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
