i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Girls should come with a carfax report
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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