How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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