Christians are straight up FREAKS
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
