ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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