Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He has the fingertips of a God
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
