you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize