I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
