Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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