I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
