I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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