marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
