I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
