On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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