oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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