goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
