you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
