I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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