my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
