why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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