just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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