Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
