did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
