you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
