I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
