I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
