Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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