sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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