When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
